I was recently called a GOOD girl. I should be over it by now because I’ve basically been called that my entire life. It used to bother me and when someone allowed those words to roll across the screen of a text I realized that it still does. It think it bothers me the most because I get called that not because I’ve done something commendable but because I’ve attempted to keep myself out of something I see no reason to participate in. Allow me to let you in on a little secret, I’M NOT THAT GOOD. I’m far from innocent. I have plenty of flaws. Just like everyone else, I’ve said some things I wished I hadn’t and done some things and some people I shouldn’t have. However, what I have realized is there are three characteristics that will forever get females placed in that GOOD girl category. I’ll attempt to share them with you now.
1. We mind our own business.
Good girls sip tea like it’s the only beverage on the planet. I learned a long time ago that if I stay out of other people’s business, they tend to stay out of mine. My circle of friends is very small and my circle of confidantes is even smaller. In minding your own business you keep gossip to a minimum and the people you actually gossip with are few. I was actually raised not to gossip. As a teen, if my mother heard me gossiping on the phone I had to get off. She let me know if someone is supposed to be your friend you are not being a very good friend if you are putting their business in the street. People don’t share their business if you’re not sharing yours and don’t share yours with people you don’t trust. Now, I’m not saying I don’t gossip but I do try to treat people the way I want to be treated so I TRY to keep it to a minimum. Other people’s business is just that, which means it’s not my business to tell.
2. We keep our dirt to ourselves.
I’ve never understood why people choose to put all their business in the street. With the invention of social media, reality TV and group “discussions” people will reveal everything they do when nobody’s watching. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen and heard public discussions with people disclosing to strangers that they cheat on their taxes, have had several abortions, sleep with married people, sleep with several people, how they put it down in the bedroom, sleep with people for money (pimping), steal and other acts they should probably keep to themselves. The only thing that tells me is A) You talk too much, B) You don’t give two cents about your reputation.
Now if you are sharing your past to help somebody I will be the first to commend you for your bravery and say thank you for trying to show others a better way. HOWEVER, if you are doing it just to be doing it or bragging like that behavior is something to be proud of, hush chile. TMI!!! (That stands for too much information for those of you not familiar) If you are going to engage in such behavior keep it to yourself. Do you honestly think those people are going to walk out the room and not repeat anything you said or you just don’t care? Well, I care. I care a lot.
When it comes to sex I was taught that what goes on behind clothes doors stays there and if you choose to engage in it do it with somebody that understands that concept. Also, if you do decide to share how you put it down and who you put it down with you will only communicate that with people you trust. You personal life is not for public consumption. I could be having a threesome with a married pastor and his wife every Sunday after church in the back of their Cadillac truck the church bought and I guarantee you would NEVER hear it from me and the other two probably won’t say anything either because they have too much to lose. No worries I would NEVER do that. Not my style.
Ladies, men and friends who care about you will protect your integrity/reputation. Choose them both wisely. But most of all YOU must protect your reputation and integrity. If you are about to do something you don’t want people to know about then you probably shouldn’t do it and if you do….keep it to yourself. When you die those two character gauges and the outfit you are buried in are the only things you will take with you. If you happen to expire tomorrow what will people say about you?
3. We quickly remove ourselves from messy or volatile people and situations.
People who always have drama generally have a habit of inviting it into their lives with the people they keep company with or their decisions and subsequently their actions. GOOD girls don’t like mess and the minute we figure out some mess is about to take place, we remove ourselves. So no, I may not engage in a “harmless” text conversation about sex with a married man or someone who has a girlfriend. If I have no intention of going there with him, why would I? If I choose to do so and the wife or girlfriend reads my texts and calls me she probably won’t believe me when I say nothing happened. I’m not going to help my friend go spy on the chick that likes the same man she does. Once she finds out that she came over his house that night when my friend just left that morning, then what? She’ll probably want me to help her go roll up on either the chick or the dude. I’m not with either one. Drop player, player and keep it moving because technically neither one of them is his girlfriend so he don’t have to be faithful. No, I don’t want to buy that TV I know is stolen for the low low, pay you $200 to claim your kid on my taxes or create you a pay stub from my business so you can get that condo you can’t afford in the first place (I’ve been asked to do all of them). Those are just a few examples. There are many more I could give. I believe in karma, reciprocity, payback is a mutha, what goes around comes around and what is done in the dark eventually comes into the light and all those other cliches. You can even call me scared of getting caught if you want.
People can’t wait to see you get caught up in some mess. The media lives to report the downfall of some beloved community or entertainment icon and Just Busted will post your photo along with anyone else’s. Don’t give people the ammunition to bring you down. Stay out of mess.
If you happen to fit into this GOOD girl category, realize that you probably haven’t been labeled a GOOD girl because you don’t do anything wrong but because you have chosen to keep the depth of your wrongness (sin) to a minimum or you are really good at keeping your mouth shut. There are a few purity angels out there that don’t do anything wrong but they are rare. So while the world may want to label me and other women with the attributes above as GOOD Girls, I prefer the term exceptionally smart. I don’t think I’m better than anyone. However, I just might make wiser choices.
Now before I close I must say the following: As GOOD girls and GOOD women there is one thing we don’t have the right to do and that is belittle people who choose to participate in acts you deem wrong or immoral. You have to let people be who they are. As human beings we are going to judge. That is what we do but how you display that judgement is what matters. Just because you don’t do it doesn’t make you any better than they are. That one came with age and wisdom. The Bible itself says, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” and “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of the Lord.” For example, if you know a young lady who is promiscuous (AKA a whore) and likes being promiscuous then so be it. While she’s in the beauty shop bragging about how she has to get the “D” and all these dude are up in her face buying her gifts and she has over 100 likes on those booty shots she posted on FB, you sit back in the corner reading your magazine and sipping your tea. Now, if you choose to point out the folly of her behavior do it in love. Calling her a hoe or a slut will solve nothing. Yes, she may be a misguided soul but she’s still a child of God and therefore has value. Nobody ever said that you had to associate with her and don’t ever be dumb enough to introduce her to your man. I think you get the picture.
Until next time…Be GOOD.
About the Blogger
Jae Henderson is a inspirational romance author and the founder of this GOOD website. Learn more about her here.